Peter Block, gifts and guilt

I have the distinctive privilege of being acquainted with the famed management consultant, Peter Block. He lives here, in Cincinnati, and has initiated a series of community engagement discussion forums geared towards changing the nature of the public debate. Go see the questions he asks at his company, Designed Learning.

One of the questions he asks, which sticks in my head because of the nature of my passions in life, is "What is the GIFT you continue to hold in exile?"

The first time I heard that question, I felt like I had been hit in the gut. The question stripped me bare in an instant; I was guilty. Me, who has always positioned myself as a long-suffering martyr of sorts, felt immediate guilt. I knew at the core of my being that, because I had given away my power for so long, I had developed a passive-aggressive stance of holding gifts, talents, love- in exile!

We very often are taught that our gifts are not important. In this technologically crazed world, we are taught to zero in on our weaknesses and cut them out, shrink them, medicate them out of existence with surgical precision, and then watch for their return zealously. And we wonder why cancer rates are steadily increasing.

So to have a question that instantly a) made me acknowledge the presence of a very distinct and unique gift, and b) made me admit I was angrily, selfishly, FEARfully holding that gift in exile, out of sight and to myself, almost made me weep. Because my victimhood about not knowing my purpose, not being ALLOWED to do what I wanted to do by others, was partially, actually majorly, in my own hands. I was my own worst enemy. But with this question by my side, I had a starting point to begin anew. And so on those days when work feels more like Purgatory, and when the "self-help" section of the bookstore appears trite and useless, try Peter's questions, especially the ones about gifts. And begin anew.

Retreating

It's always good to replenish yourself. Life gets too complex sometimes, and you need a break from the norm.

So it's with this attitude of escaping overwhelm that I traipsed off to Litchfield, Connecticut for the Artella Creative ManiFestival (hosted by Artella , a most fabulous site for artists and writers. You so need to check it out!).

Here are some of the comments I sent to another group I belong to:

The retreat was amazing! It was a deep pool of self discovery where we swam with dolphins and found ourselves.

There was healing- people connected with songs they'd had taken from them long ago. Others found art they didn't know they were allowed to have. Some folks leapt to new heights of creativity, spurred on by the energy of the group.

If I had to describe the retreat with one word, it would be Energy. We combined to create energy powerful enough to make art fall off walls, cause tingles and shivers and perpetual goosebumps. There was a lot of love there, a lot of souls and hearts connecting.

We got snow- beautiful kamikaze snowflakes that carpeted the landscape and wiped everyhting winter clean. There was an art room where we got to play with wood and paint and hot glue (I am now addicted to hot glue guns). We ate really healthy food prepared by friendly hands.
The raffle was amazing. The anticipation built up all weekend as we perused the tables, looking at all the yummy stuff and deciding where to put our intentions (in the form of blue tickets). Then, on Saturday, it was a generosity extravaganza as the names were drawn and eveyone was a winner, and everyone got things they really wanted. It was great.

I had a ball- it's that simple. This is the kind of creative tonic we all need on a regular basis. I've learned that abundance and prosperity are available to me, and I can't wait to see how I can focus my energy to create magic in other areas of my life.

So that's my report. DeShango, out.

More is forthcoming, but in short, the Universe is awesome and powerful and we are capable of riding in its flow all the way to Bliss. It's that simple and complex all at the same time.

Coach 100 Challenge

I gave myself a challenge earlier this year- coach at least 100 different people in as short a time as possible (I said 1 year- I am ambitious). My challenge comes from the late, great coaching guru Thomas Leonard, whom I unfortunately will only get to meet through his audio recordings (He's so groovy; he started CoachU and Coachville and the Schools of Coachville. Thomas said (a blatant and mostly accurate paraphrase) that most coaches could get really good by coaching 100 people; any people who wanted coaching (want coaching? gimme a holler).

That sounded quite egalitarian and easy and cool, so I started with this quest. And promptly got stuck in the "what-if's;" what if I "broke" someone? What if no one wanted to coach with me? What if I froze on the phone and couldn't talk? (I am very good at letting the "what-if" monster hide under my bed. If you'd like to see an article about this, leave me a comment or email me.)

So in my search of the web for more information about how to do this right (for and article on perfection, email me; for an article on research becoming a tool for procrastination, email me), I found Julia Stewart, a fabulous mentor coach who was starting a program called the Experienced Coach Program (ECP), based on the same theory Thomas had espoused. So I joined, and now I'm on my way!

N.B. If you are considering becoming a coach, join the ECP. It is invaluable. Let me know if you're thinking about it and I will tell you all about it!

So now I'm coaching people; mothers, bosses, employees, retirees...you name it! I've got a ways to go, and you can help! Send everyone you know to this blog to sign up for a complimentary collaborative interview. It can't hurt, and it could help. I am committed to helping people reach their goals faster and with less drama and self doubt. What's not to like?

Until later, I invite you to be one of the 100...beta-test me! And as always, in closing,

Be Audacious!

Coffee confessions

I must confess...I don't drink coffee! I never adapted to the taste, and, having a mother who drinks coffee and smoked cigarettes addictively, I never wanted to drink it! I love tea, though, and hot chocolate...

...but I love the smell of coffee. It smells great; rich and fragrant and comforting. Tea just doesn't have that power (or at least what passes for tea in most parts of the U.S.) to draw people in simply by the smell!

I want to be that way with my coaching; boldly fragrant, irresistably attractive. Even if you never thought you'd like a coach, maybe you'll like one of my classes, or my blog, or my speeches. Maybe a retreat I lead will catch your eye. Lots of things are possible, beyond the one-on-one coaching via telephone. I have a goal of getting out of the boxes surrounding coaching, the rigid "have-tos." If people need my guidance, it's available, just like the scent of coffee can pull me into a great little cafe for a cup of steaming hot chocolate.

So what pulls you into the coffeehouse? What keeps you there?

Be audacious!

...And then there's coaching

I can't quite remember how I found coaching. I'm sure it had to do with my incessant magazine reading, and I must have found an article. Anyway, the concept hit me in one of those real visceral places, where I "got" it and understood its value and didn't need to be convinced. I was sure I was late to pick up on this trend (I am from the Midwest, and everyone thinks we're slow), but as the years have gone on and I've become more serious about coaching ONE DAY, I've found very few people know about coaching and even fewer get it right away.

There is value in having a guide on any unfamiliar journey- someone who has been there, done that, or at least, something like that. They can tell you where the sinkholes are, the lay of the land, the best food to eat, how long it might take. I have found in my life that parents don't count as valuable guides after 18. At least for me, I was hardwired to believe that my parents were only good as out-of-touch portable ATM machines ready to squash any ideas of fun in adulthood. Friends can be of some help, but really, have you ever shaken your head about what your best friend did/said/wore, AGAIN!? After realizing your friends are probably more radically co-dependent than you are, you stop listening to their advice with more than a grain of salt. And there's always the horoscope, but after the whole Ms. Cleo debacle...

A coach is so much better. I've heard a bunch of definitions of what a coach is, and what coaching is, usually all geared towards sounding either as touchy-feely to appeal to neo-hippies, or super-analytical to convince high-powered execs to open their wallets. I use my coach for whatever I need in the moment. If I need to address some crap in my past, we do that. If I need my butt kicked to do something today, I tell her. Simple. She's flexible; it's my dime. And I feel so much more in control of my progress than I ever could with a psychologist or best friend or even a bottle of Riesling (there will be many a Riesling story to come, let me tell you).

So one day I decided to become a coach. I didn't know how one went about that, so I started by surfing the web. Found http://www.coachville.com and started to explore, then made the mistake of googling " coaching." A year and a bit of work later, I've found my current identity as The Coffeehouse Coach. I'm a little bit orthodox, a lotta bit brilliant wackiness. Tune in as we all take this journey together, hmmm?

Be audacious!

Welcome!

Welcome Everyone!

I'm Embrya deShango, the Coffeehouse Coach. We'll get into that later. First, I'd just like to tell you that this is our space; I'm just a facilitator of conversations. There's no me, without you, etc., etc.

So back to this concept of Coffeehouse Coaching. Let me say, I love coffeehouses. I love cafes, little restaurants, and if I ever get to travel to Europe, I'm sure I'll love tavernas as well. There is something magic that happens in these places. They not only provide good food and drink, but they also feed the soul. It's trite, but true. The small tables invite confidences shared between small groups; the comfortable seats the perfect setting for a book group or impromptu political debate. These are the perfect places to meet; an old friend, a blind date, a potential client, or just that next person to catch your eye across a crowded room.

There is enough noise to feel comforted, and enough privacy to finish that article before deadline. The air is full of potential- who will walk through the door? What will be new and exciting in the neighborhood? The coffee flows, or the tea, for me- hot or cold. In winter, the coffeehouse invites like a cocoon, steamed windows and warm people ensconced within. In summer, doors wide open to encourage a breeze, it serves a s a refreshing alternative to four stuffy walls, a place to bask in sunshine and dawdle, stock up on sustenance before a hike or bike ride.

I love coffeehouses...don't you? Tell me why!